


How would you cope?

by frnkierwoah



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M, I suck at tagging, M/M, i might do something more with this at another time, idk wtf this is, it gets happy dont worry, josh is a little sweetie that gets taken advantage of because he couldnt even hurt a fly, kind of based off things ive experienced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:09:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5038720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frnkierwoah/pseuds/frnkierwoah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sometimes you draw the short stick every round, someones gotta. And you push through every time."</p>
            </blockquote>





	How would you cope?

**Author's Note:**

> So idk what this is i just started writing a poem and then it got kinda sad and then i was like lmao imma make this about josh so ur welcome
> 
> this is my first fic pls dont kill me
> 
> Josh dun likes to be called Princess 2k15 fight me

When you sleep with _him_ the first time and he calls you his princess you will believe it. You will give your all to him.

————-

You will feel something in your stomach every other Wednesday night, it feels like snakes constricting your intestines, spiders making webs in your head. You think to yourself “Is this what love feels like?”

It isn’t.

————-

When he grabs you by the wrists and calls you a whore you will not cry. You will not run. You will take it because you know the next morning he will call you his princess again, so you wait. With eyes sealed shut and limbs straining you wait for morning to come.

————

“Why do you give your body away?” This won't be the first time you are asked. You have prepared your answer, carefully selected the most delicate words. But when you look into your mother's blue eyes rimmed pink, wet with worry, you will not respond as planned.

“Because that's the only way someone will love me, I’m sure of it”

————

Part of you doesn’t want morning to come because you will have to face the world with his blood on your hands, but it comes anyway. When you awaken you will get up, leaving everything you've learned. You will walk out the door, you won't return.

You asked yourself if it is better to out-monster the monster or be quietly devoured. You got your answer.

————

You will think for months after you said your final goodbye. Which wasn’t really a goodbye it was more like pleading ‘I'm sorry’s in the parking lot of your first job. You told yourself if he tried to kiss you again his lips would meet the blunt end of your kitty ear brass knuckles.

————-

You find yourself frequenting concert venues, burying your worries and sadness under the sounds of people like you screaming at the top of your lungs, the smell of liquor and sex radiating off the crowd.

You forget for one fucking second about the pain, and the sadness, and your miserable excuse for a soul.

But then you’ll have to leave. And your house is no longer a home but a roof in the middle of nowhere. Your bed is no longer warm but sharp like spikes and cold like snow. You’ll go to sleep, wake up, and do it all over again. 

————

You will find another one, Debby. With a softer touch, and the eyes of a deer she will try to fix you.

You do not know your own triggers so when she touches you and tells you that she says you look like heaven, you don’t know what to tell her later in the bathroom when she’s picking glass out of your hand. You do not know what to say to your own shattered reflection either.

She will not last long, there is something about nursing a wounded animal back to health that not everyone is cut out for. You will not cry.

————

People will come and go the only constant are the voices in your head and your throat that feel like tacks in your mouth.

————-

You will find a friend in someone like you. He is loud and exuberant but broken and misplaced, like a mosaic. He will fit into your life like he was always there. You always expect something more to come out of this, not because you want it to, but because that’s how it always works. But after 4 months he only falls asleep in your bed when you want him to, fully clothed. He is a friend, and a good one.

In those four months, you have only showed Brendon the side of you that you want him to see but one day you will break down, and you will let him in. He will not run, he will not give you anything but a loving embrace and a reminder that it's okay, that the darkness will pass.

He will show you a side of the world you didn’t know existed, he will take you places you only ever dreamed of. You will meet people with love in their hearts and scars on their hands.

————-

One day he will not be there when it gets bad. On the brisk streets of Ohio, you will see _him_ again. He will only be there for a second but the emotions that overcome you will feel like that blow you received on date night last summer. He does not notice you, you will not let him.

It takes you days to leave the house again, afraid you might submit to him again.

————

Things don't get worse, but they don't get better either. You've lived on rock bottom so long you forgot what top soil feels like.

\-------

Then you meet _him_. His name is Tyler. He is kind and sweet, with eyes that crinkle when he smiles and crooked teeth. You wonder how this happened, how a sinner fell in love with an angel.

————

It will take you a year, 16 dates, 68 nights spent between the bed sheets, one hospital trip, countless euphoric exchanges of ‘I love you’s, and zero time spent apart. When you open up to him he will hold you for what seems like hours. He will look into your eyes and leave feather light kisses along your tearstained cheeks. He will say to you, “Sometimes you draw the short stick every round, someone's gotta. And you push through every time. You know others wouldn't have survived, you’re happy to take the pain. You're strong. You suffer silently but, you don’t suffer alone. I see you, I understand you, I am here to comfort you.”

You fall asleep in his arms again. You can’t remember life without the pain. Until now.


End file.
